....

Hate can be defined as to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.

Today was a long day, i had practice at 5:30am. I'm in this thing, NJ ROTC i started it last year with the high hopes of it would help me clean myself up and i would get my stuff in order. my first year in the program was great, i accelerated at what i did, i was the top of my game. Although i did make a few enemies along the way i didn't think much of it then. So i left my freshman year of high school in almost good spirits. (the falling in love thing broke me a little) it was then that summer came along, i worked stayed out of trouble best i could. and then my second year of high school hit. the one guy i had HATED my freshman year was now in charge of me and the whole NJ ROTC unit. but still i stood strong and said i would have a little faith in his leadership abilities.

at the start of this all i wanted a better life, i wanted to go into the military i wanted to be a successful officer from college, just an overall great leader.

The year worked its way slowly to where it is now. i've only gotten promoted once this year, and in order for me to even get this promotion i had to bring attention to myself by asking why i didn't get it. after i brought this little spot light on me, it really hasn't left.

So when i feel like i've worked for something for the last year and a half, and actually be good at it, now these people want to take it from me because of personal reason...i feel a sense of HATE. i can't stand these people...if i was the person i was back two years ago i would have broken someones jaw. Those who call themselves leaders should never treat those under them in a nasty manner. it leaves a bitter taste.

I still try and meet these standards that have been set for me, so at 5:30am in the morning getting yelled at having some old hag in your face screamin at you telling you your basically shit, it's not the way i'd wanna be wakin up...yet i still show up?! i feel like Cinderalla, lol, do this do that, now go away..shoo!

The rest of my day was truely pointless, first hour was World History then NJ ROTC, Math, German, Lunch, English, Chemestry and Weight Lifting. The Highlight of my day? i've come more familiar with this word, HATE. more and more people keep putting me down.

Change is very much needed. whether it be a new school or my life falling apart. i need some way to just start over. Should life truely be this upsetting and over helming for someone who is simply 15?!

i'm turing 16 tomorrow, and i'm not excited. i survived another year, learned how much people can hurt and i'm another year closer to dying. lol plus side, i got my car. hopefully i'll get that phone call i'm waiting for..........